So I flew to CA with my brother and sister. My mom, stepdad and 2 youngest brothers drove down. I stayed with my father and his family for a few days. It was nice to see him and his side of the family. But it was also weird to see these people I hadn't seen in like 12 years. But I suppose that is another story. The service and lunch were lovely. But thinking about it makes me cry every time and i am at work now and don't want to start blubbering.

So here I am. I don't quite know what to do with myself. I am finding it hard to enjoy my life these days. I still knit, but it isn't enjoyable like it used to be. Most often, I knit to finish up things I need to do for gifts, or to keep my hands busy while I am waiting for the kids during taekwondo or other appointments. I started another project - the Pop Rock sweater for Kassie. It's irritating me. It's not the pattern or the yarn's fault. It's just me. I haven't wanted to spin or tat or weave or anything.

Blogging? Yeah. Haven't seen me do much of that lately. Photography? "I suck at it anyway, so why bother?" Kids? They are messy, demanding, spoiled, etc. But they have their moments. There have been a few times where they make everything all better. If only those moments lasted…

See? A funk. A depression. Whatever you want to call it, it sucks. It's not made any easier by my lame job or my lazy, messy children. Or my stupid, broken brain that can't figure out which way is up. My brain makes my body ache and my head feel foggy and tired. My brain makes me want to sleep far more than is normal. So I struggle with reminding myself that all things considered, I really have it pretty good. I have a job that pays fairly well and offers flexibility, though I do not enjoy it at all anymore. I have kids who are happy and healthy. My husband still has a job. We can afford food, clothing, shelter, and even some extras. We do not have any recurring monthly credit card debt. Our cars are paid off. My parents are alive and in fairly good health. Life is good.

So how long till my broken brain catches on to my good fortune?

Finally, the kids are dressed and start eating. I get changed and start trying to get myself together to head off to the bus. The Murg rolls over and says "I think I am sick. Can you get the kids to school?" Um, I guess I have to. It is now 7:36 and they need to leave in 10 minutes. And I am nowhere near ready for work. And the last bus to work leaves at 8:08.

So I start rushing around, trying to get the kids ready and out the door. They drag their heels, because playing with their food is more fun. Chace drips pancake syrup all over his clean socks. I notice I have pancake batter all over the front of my work shirt. Finally, at 7:56, I get the kids out the door and in the car. School starts at 8:00, and Chace's bus comes at 8:03. There is no way in hell I am going to be able to take the bus in. I get to spend $12 on parking today!

Despite telling Kassie 4 times, she forgot to grab her backpack. So I drop Lexa off at school, and pull out of the school parking lot to see Chace's bus pull away from the curb and drive down the street. We drive home, I finish grabbing all my stuff for work, Kassie gets her backpack and we all head back out the door.

I drop Kassie off at school again. I drive Chace to his school and remind him that if he doesn't do his School Skills assignments, he has no TV or computer tonight. I didn't have time to make my coffee, so I get to spend $4 on my morning coffee so I can make it through my day. I got very little sleep last night - but that is a whole other story.

And traffic sucked. Seattle road work is a nightmare. It took me just as long to drive in as it does to take the bus. And I have to skip lunch at work today so I can come home early and take the kids to taekwondo tonight. So I get to slurp down a cup-o-noodles to hold me over until tonight.

And most of this sucky crap could have been avoided if The Murg had rolled his butt over when I first was getting up to tell me "I think I am sick. Can you get the kids to school?" But NO. He had to wait until I had already started making pancakes, eggs and bacon for breakfast.

Here she is. So I sucked at getting a photo of her every Friday for her first year. But once she hit about 50 lbs, all her photos started looking pretty much the same. If I were less honest, I could have just posted any old photo of her and nobody (but me) would have known the difference.

But I thought she was too cute here. Not only is she cuddling her squeaky giraffe, but she is snoring. Her regular spot is under my chair while I work every day. She makes a great foot rest, and she gets near constant foot-petting. So it's a win-win thing for us.

HK saw a woman standing in the hallway. She was older, short, and had gray hair cut in sort of a bob style. HK got the feeling she might be related to me for some reason. Jamie didn't see the woman, but they both walked over to where she was standing and felt a very cold spot.

I can't think of who it might be. My initial thought was my Auntie Joaquina - she is my paternal grandma's sister. I have no idea why I thought of her, but that's what I thought. Who knows?

And I hadn't yet told HK about Chace's playmate or the event with Nani this afternoon. But both of us have been noticing an increase in the Woo-Woo these last couple of months. When we moved into this house there wasn't a thing going on. It was nice. We slept well. Boy are things changing!

The strangest thing happened last week. It all started out sort of innocently - just Chace and I having a conversation. On Tuesday night, we were at the pool swimming with the girls. Chace wanted to warm up, so he joined me in the jacuzzi. after a couple of minutes of silence, he said "Hey Mom - I just remembered something."

Chace began to tell me a story about how when we liven in the Renton House and he was really little - maybe 2 or 3 years old - he used to play with a little girl quite a bit. She had short red hair, pale skin and was about 4 years old. I asked if she had freckles, but he said no, her skin was "smooth and white". She wore a white and pink plaid dress and Mary Jane shoes that buttoned. He said she looked like she was from the 1950's.

He said that one day she put a videocassette in the VCR and pressed play. The movie was of him and our family at the grandparent's house. There were scenes of Chace and Grandpa E. riding the tractor, feeding the cows and hanging out by the catfish pond. There were also scenes of Chace and HK playing with a toy accordion. Chace said the screen went black and the movie stopped. He tried to eject the tape (yes, he was quite adept at working the VCR an an early age) but it wouldn't eject. He then pushed open the front flap of the VCR and saw that there was no tape in the machine.

What Chace didn't realize at the time of seeing that movie was that none of the events on the TV screen had happened yet. We wouldn't have gone to the Grandparents with Chace for at least another 6 months or so. But true to the movie he was shown, he rode the tractor, saw the catfish pond and cows, and played with a toy accordion.

He also told about one time where he was playing, and this little girl put a ladybug sticker on the window. Chace was putting his finger on the window, trying to pick up the sticker. HK came in and asked him what he was doing. When he told her he was trying to get the sticker, HK said "What sticker?" When Chace looked back, both the little girl and the sticker were gone.

He told me about another few things that happened - a couple of which I remember quite well. Things he said he saw and heard that nobody else saw or heard. Both incidents made no sense to any of us at the time. Not until Chace filled in some gaps.

I asked him why he never told me any of this before, and why he was telling me now. Chace just shrugged his shoulders and said "I don't know. I just didn't think to say anything until now."

Okay, so on Sunday we went to Doug and Anne's house for a late Easter/birthday celebration. I had been thinking about what Chace had told me at the pool on Tuesday about the little girl. The only person I could think of who could have possibly matched the description of a 1950's era redhead girl was Doug's sister Heather. She committed suicide in that house 3 or 4 months before we moved in. Heather was 50 years old. I briefly told Anne what Chace had told me that Tuesday, and we went up to the attic to look for photos.

After a few minutes, we found a photo of Heather at about age 7. I showed the photo to Chace and asked him if he recognized the girl. He said "Yeah, I know her."

I asked where he knew her from. Chace replied "From before - when we lived at the Renton house."

So I asked him how he knew her from the Renton house. He said "Mom, that's the girl I just told you about. She's the one I used to play with. She's the one who showed me the movie and put the ladybug sticker on the window."

I'm still taking photos and knitting and stuff, but I just haven't had it in me to do much besides the basics these days. I've been spacey and weepy and sad. I hadn't been able to see him much since we moved - they are in NM, we are in WA. He was a wonderful grandpa. He was quiet, but was so funny and had a great sense of humor. If he ever raised his voice at you, you knew you had screwed up big time.

I miss him.