The Black Dogs of Life
There have been many, many posts here that I have deleted before publishing. Why? The infamous Black Dog. I haven't always been one of the people brave enough to just sort of put it all out there. I mean, who wants to think of themselves as "mentally ill"? Doesn't that mean you are flawed or defective? Yes, depression sucks. It's been "officially" a problem for me since 2000. My doc thinks that based on our conversations, it has been my companion since childhood.
I have admired people like Ginger Nut for a while now. They can talk about depression and how it affects them and not feel ashamed. Why should I feel ashamed? Well, I have had some people close to me call me names - usually behind my back. I found out that one person had been gossiping about me saying I was crazy, a freak and they wished I would just suck it up and go on already. That really hurt.
But I know that I am not the only one going through this kind of thing. If you can't deal with my spells of "bad" behavior, you need to just get the hell out of my life, because I don't need you making things more difficult for me than they already are. I don't enjoy the gastrointestinal upset, insomnia, panic attacks, fatigue and headaches. Really, It don't. Be glad all you have to deal with is me being scatterbrained, withdrawn, tired and cranky. In the last several years, i have accepted myself a lot more. I know that those parts of my life make up who I am. I will deal with it as best I can. I have made it 36 years living a fairly good life. I plan on living a lot longer.
Comments
,,,,sigh.... seriously... I know of what you speak of. It runs in my family and is spread from manic depression/bipolar/schizoid/extremely high anxiety... we all have some degree going 24/7... and yeah, it's hard and it hurts.
and yeah, what doesn't help is to have a 300 lb SIL not understand why my middle son doesn't just pull his boots up and get on with it... she doesn't understand that it's not even an option, not even on the table at this point... but sure, you just keep on eating that crap, and going to estate sales and buying that stuff you have nowhere to put... hello? She doesn't see her behavior as 'having issues'...
Well... a can of something was certainly opened here! heh.
Hang in there, sweets, just hang in there. You know as well as I do, there's the good days and then there's the days that suck but always, always, the sun rises from the east every single morning whether we can see it or not. right? right.
Posted by: marianne | December 6, 2007 04:10 PM
thanks for the links, thanks for the post. heck, just thanks for being you!
Posted by: WeeBug![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.midgeling.com/blog/nav-commenters.gif)
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December 7, 2007 11:58 AM